General, Infant Loss, Mommy

Forever With Me

Well, we made it through Dec 15 and although we both shed tears we tried to create magic in the day. So, we literally planted Liam’s foot onto our physical bodies so we could feel like he was actually with us and not just shining down on us.

Since his passing I knew I wanted, nope, NEEDED to put his little print on my body. It is important to me that he travels through life alongside his mama even if not in the physical form. Honestly, it’s only been 2 days since I have had this special little tattoo but it has actually brought me so much happiness. Unfortunately, I can’t even explain my emotion for you to read. It is indescribable. It is magic. I know he is forever part of our souls, but now I can see that he is literally forever with us. Wherever we go. I am SO happy we decided to save this moment for his due date. The artist was SO patient with me as I needed it to be as perfect as possible and went along with all my teeny tweaks after Eric went first (hard for him to work so many details into such a small tattoo). I think it’s perfect.

I’ve been asked how bad the pain was. Honestly, I was surprised by how easy it was. I mean, the tattoo is itsy bitsy teeny so it went by quickly but getting a tattoo was exactly the pain I expected. And since I had already prepared myself for it to feel like a really dull, rusty thumbtack being dragged into and around my skin, it didn’t surprise me. The shading did cause uncomfortable pain but a)I’ve felt worse and b)didn’t last long enough for me to chicken out. Oh, and c) even it would have been unbearable I was NOT leaving without it. Would I get another one… oh ya! But, I doubt I’d manage with anything larger than a toonie.  The worst part was the build up of anticipation RIGHT before the artist started (hence why my jacket was on.. I took it off halfway through).

We haven’t shared any images with family or friends yet. And a seldom few have seen his actual prints (which I am more open to sharing now and will on the blog soon enough). But for now, this is a close replica of his teeny little foot. As time passes, it will be easier to look at & share the photos without such sadness but we aren’t ready to share in that sacredness yet.

Shining on today.

xo Camilla




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1 Comment

  • Reply Tiffany

    I love it Camilla! So sweet and such a powerful thing to have. Such a meaningful gesture<3

    December 17, 2014 at 9:50 pm
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